Heavier Now my first fanfic
by Challijo
Summary: Clark is having a harder time than usual lately...
1. Ch 1

Title: Heavier Now  
Rating: G! Because sometimes you just need a G rated thing to read:).  
Disclaimer-- No, I don't own anything that has to do wtih Smallville (characters, scripts, ect.) I don't even know anyone that has or is currently working there. I've never even seen them in real life-- as far as I know, anyway-- I am from Indiana, like the guy who plays Lex-- he's a homie!-- but we live(d) at different ends of the state, so I doubt I ever bumped into him at the grocery store. Oh well. Something to look forward to! Anyway- enough rambling...  
  
And our story begins! Story time! Don't you feel like a little kid again?! You all have your popcorn?

Chapter 1  
  
Clark Kent put his head on the cafeteria table. He was tired. Maybe not physically as much as emotionally. It was going to be one of those days again. Some days were harder than others. He used to be able to go weeks at a time without feeling the need to grab the world's biggest loudspeaker and tell everyone who he really was, or at least tell his friends. Of course he couldn't. Adam thought Lana knew and he tried to kill her. Chloe got close and Lionel was still trying to threaten her. Lex knew and his dad fried his brain. Clark laughed at that last thought. _Okay, so that really didn't have to do anything with my secret, but Pete did move away because it was getting too hard to keep his mouth shut. _Clark knew all of this, and he was starting to see a pattern. He tried not to let it bother him—he knew they might not be able to handle the truth anyway. It might hurt them like it hurt Pete. _Or maybe it would have helped Pete not being the only one. He knew what it was like being the only one._ Clark was lost in his thoughts lately—more so than usual. He was tired.

"Earth to Clark!" Clark snapped out of his own thoughts to see his friend. _How can she be so energetic? She's been through a lot, yet she keeps bouncing around. Of course if she didn't, she would have been dead a long time ago…_ "Hey, Chloe" Clark muttered as he laid his head back down on the table.

Chloe raised one eyebrow, "What's with the non-caffeinated look? Did you forget your morning coffee or something?"

"_Coffee doesn't help," _Clark thought to himself. He couldn't say that, of course. He couldn't even hint it at all. Clark sat up and tried to act more awake. "No Chloe, sorry. Good morning, Chloe!" he forced a smile that even complete strangers could tell was fake.

Chloe smiled to herself and once again raised an eyebrow. Then she leaned in so passer Byers wouldn't hear. "You know, Clark, for being so good at keeping secrets, you can't hide your exhaustion status."

Clark's eyes widened a little. He had to say something. He sat back and tried to act nonchalant. "What makes you think there's any secrets to keep?"

Chloe just stared at him in disbelief. "We're not going to do this again today are we?"

Clark put his head back on the table, "No, not today. Today I am going to spend sleeping. Pre-calc, sleep. English class, sleep. PE… well, that might be a little hard, but after that I'll sleep again during History."

"I'm in your class. We have a test in History today." Chloe reminded.

Clark thought about that for a second. "Don't ruin my dreams, Chloe."

"Your dreams of sleeping?" Chloe asked sarcastically. Just then the morning bell rang. "It's time to wake up. See you at lunch." Chloe started off for class, "Oh, and good luck with your sleeping in PE thing." A teacher gave her a weird look as she passed, so she hurried along. Clark, on the other hand, was in no hurry. Well, he was, but he didn't want to be.

"Mr. Kent! I believe the morning bell rang." Clark looked up at the teacher and wondered if high school ever ended.

He grabbed his book bag and stood up. "And the fun begins." He said as he walked into his first hour class.


	2. Ch 2

Heavier Now, Chapter 2  
  
True to his word, Clark slept through his first two classes. He only got one warning and one detention, but he didn't care. He was just trying to get through school as fast as he could, then super speed home and spend the rest of the day doing his homework and chores, and maybe thinking about the stars. That was his new theory. If he thought about where he came from all night, he would be sick of it during the day. He hadn't tried this theory out yet, but he was ready to. PE would be a little easier—all he had to do was run around a lot and pretend to be tired. Of course today he wouldn't be pretending. The only thing about PE was that Lana was in his class. They had been going through a weird time lately—he had been going through a weird time with all his friends—but Lana and his relationship had been weird for the longest, besides Lex, but Clark really didn't want to think about that right now, either.

"You look tired."

Lana's comment brought Clark out of his thoughts.

"That's because I am."

"What time did you get to bed?" Lana asked as they started stretch exercises.

"I went to sleep around eleven, but for some reason I was exhausted when I woke up." He knew the reason. _"It's because I'm driving myself insane," _he thought.

"Did Clark Kent go J-walking and tipping over cows again last night?"

Clark smiled. "See Lana, you know all of my secrets." Clark immediately stopped. _Why did I say that? That was stupid… _

Lana was taken aback a little by that, too. He'd never been that blunt before, but she just smiled. "I wish," she stated, hoping he got the hint. He did, but it didn't matter. Clark took the detention slip out of his gym pocket and handed it to her.

"Detention? Why Clark, are we starting to rebel?"

"It's for sleeping in class. I was tired. Mr. Jenson just gave me a warning, but Ms. Birkley gave me this and her world famous lecture on "how no one respects teachers anymore, and 10 years ago, yes, even 5 years ago, students were eager and willing to learn,"

Lana interrupted, "But now we're all a bunch of loquacious adolescents with no sense of inner responsibility, if that still exists in today's upcoming society." Lana laughed. "Yeah, I got that one before, too."

"Okay everyone, 13 laps around the gym, " the gym teacher yelled as she blew her whistle.

"You know, I ran less in cross-country," Lana remarked.

Clark chuckled. He liked this, when they could just joke and laugh and not try to dig for a deeper meaning in everything Clark did. "Yeah, and what's with 13 laps? 10 or even 15 would make sense, but 13?"

"I'm sure it has a certain cultural importance on her home planet." Lana joked. Clark's smile faded. Out of all the phrases in the world, she had to choose that one.

"Clark!"

Clark snapped out of his thoughts again.

"I was joking. It might have sounded meaner than I intended it to, but…"

"Miss Lang, Mr. Kent. Are you going to join us or would you rather run your 13 laps after school?" The teacher interrupted.

Clark looked at Lana. "We'll… run now." And with that the two ran.


	3. Ch 3

Chapter 3  
  
Lex was distracted. He couldn't seem to focus on much of anything. Even throughout this meeting with the Board of Directors, he was drifting in and out of thought.

"Mr. Luthor?"

Lex snapped out of his thoughts.

"Shall we adjourn?"

Lex looked around the oval table. Everyone was staring at him. He wondered how long they had been waiting for him to reply before he realized it.

"Yes, thank-you all for coming. I'll see you at the next meeting. My secretary should be able to schedule that for you."

After everyone cleared out, Lex went to his desk and opened the drawer. He pulled out a plastic replica of the key from the ship he had made a long time ago. He studied it for a moment and then reached for the phone.

_Ring… ring… ring…_

No answer, yet he didn't expect there to be. He wanted to leave a message anyway.

_Please leave a message at the end of the beep… BEEP!_ "Hey Clark, it's Lex… again. Um, I have a question for you. I know how your favorite baseball team is the Metropolis Tigers, and I just happen to have an extra ticket to see them this Saturday. Ground level. Locker Room pass. So, anyway, when you get this message, call me back. I'll be here all day. Look, I know we left off in kind of a weird place, and I think we should talk, so…" _BEEP!_

Lex smirked. "Of course. So CALL ME BACK!" he yelled into the receiver, knowing the machine had run out of time. He had been trying to call for a while now. Dropped by often to try to see Clark—offered to go fishing or play basketball or pool—all the things Clark liked to do. Lex was sure if he offered Clark a ride to the moon on the next space shuttle Clark would still turn him down.

"I'm going to kill my father," Lex said out loud. It was he who had given Clark a key to Lex's secret room dedicated to finding out what Clark was trying to hide. Since he had seen it, Clark seemed to be avoiding Lex. "I mean, I know he was mad, but I didn't think he'd stay mad forever," Lex thought to himself. "At least not without hearing me out first—giving me a chance to explain."

Just then Lex's secretary knocked on the door. "Just reminding you about your appointment with the CEO of Fredmont's Incorporated tonight, sir."

"Cancel it, please, Karen. I've got more important things to do tonight."

Karen started to leave but decided to say what had been on her mind for a while. "Like beg for that kid's attention again, sir? Forgive me for saying so, I know it might not be my place, but it's been a month and a half. If the child wanted to…"

"You're right, Karen, it's not your place." Lex said calmly. " And while I'm grateful for your concern for my friend's welfare, I assure you, I'm not stalking the kid."  
Karen looked a little frightened. She knew she was risking her job. "I apologize, sir." Karen closed the door.


	4. CH 4

Chapter 4  
  
School was finally over. Just a few loose ends to tie up at the Torch and Clark would be on his way home, trying out his new theory, and freed from the microscope he felt like his friends were putting him under. He just had to last until then.

"I'm thinking about going up to see Lex tonight to see how he is. I haven't seen him in a couple of days, " Chloe stated as they walked into the Torch room. She looked right at Clark, "Anyone like to join me?"

"Not really," Clark answered.

"What's up with you and Lex anyway?" Lana asked. "You seem to be avoiding him lately."

"That's because I am." Clark revealed.

Chloe and Lana just stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to explain. He didn't. Finally Chloe ventured, "Is there a reason?"

Clark sat back, trying to choose his words carefully. He couldn't tell them everything, at least not yet. Not here. "He just isn't who I thought he was."

Lana smiled at the thought. "Who is, Clark?"

Clark was a little stunned by that statement. "What do you mean?"

"No one really knows everything about a person. You of all people should know that."

"But it's just that…" he paused again. Nothing could be explained without arousing more questions, and today wasn't a good day for that. He was fighting the urge not to tell them even while he was speaking. He finally finished his sentence. "It's a long story."

Chloe gave him a questioning look. "Yeah, since we have so much to do right now—you can't take up our precious time."

Lana joined in, "Yeah, I would have to call off dinner with the governor and his wife."

Clark stood up, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, and headed towards the door, "Look, I just don't want to talk about it right now."

Chloe replied, "Okay, you don't have to freak, Clark."

Clark relaxed. "_I am a bit tense,"_ he thought.

"Just remember that while the rest of the world might be waiting for Clark Kent to mess up and reveal something extraordinary, we are your friends. We just want to see you be okay."

Clark felt guilty for snapping at them. He turned to face them and pleaded, "Can you finish up around here for me? I have to get home as soon as I can."

Chloe paused. She knew something was wrong. "Sure."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow. DON'T tell Lex hi for me," he added, then left, leaving the two teenaged girls in the room alone.


	5. Ch 5

Chapter 5-- longer chapter-sorry!  
  
"Clark, son?"

Clark looked up as his father entered into his loft. He had been on the couch looking at a model of the solar system, wondering which planet he came closest to as he passed them on his way to Earth. His biological parents must have calculated everything just right so he wouldn't be hit by a comet or a moon during the three years it took his ship to reach its destination. _I wonder how I ate_, he thought. That part never made sense to him. The ship wasn't big enough to carry enough food for three years.

"You did your chores in a hurry," observed his father.

Clark just looked down at his feet. "Yeah," he said quietly.

Jonathon Kent watched his son for a moment. He looked like he had just lost his best friend. _"Well, I guess he did," _he thought. "What's wrong?"

"Just the usual."

Jonathon didn't know what to say to his son, so he finally ventured, "Lex called. Again."

"So?"

Jonathon could tell he was getting no leeway in the conversation. He just raised his eyebrows.

Clark looked down, "Dad, he lied to me. He lied to me for three years! I... we were friends. At least I thought we were. But all he wanted was to learn my secret. It was like his obsession; and you have to admit, that's kind of freaky."

Jonathon knew this was a hard time for Clark, but he couldn't resist the perfect opportunity. "Gee, son, I wish I could have seen that coming."

Clark stood up. "Okay, Dad, you were right. You were right, are you happy now?" he asked as he walked towards the loft doors.

"Clark, look, I'm sorry I was right." Clark gave him a look of disbelief. "I am!" replied Jonathon. "But maybe we're looking at this the wrong way."

Clark was confused. "What way should we look at it?"

Jonathon walked over to his son and smiled, "We could use his curiosity against him. Take a page out of Lex Luthor's book." Clark looked at him like he had no idea what Jonathon was talking about. "Okay," he began again, "Lex pretended to be your friend to get information he wanted, right?"

"Right..."

"Clark, I know you're mad at Lex right now, but we need to know what he knows about you."

Clark tried to follow that last statement. "You mean pretend to be his friend to find out information." It was a statement, not a question.

"Exactly."

"But Dad, isn't that dishonest? I mean, if I did that, I'd be no better than Lex."

"Clark, Lex Luthor is a very powerful young man. He can do anything he wishes. I don't feel any better than you do about lying, son, but I don't see any other choice."

A familiar voice came from the loft stairs, "How about being honest for once."

Clark looked scared, "Lex..."

Lex smiled as he walked across the loft to where Clark and his Dad were standing, "Clark... I finally found you! I called, quite a few times, actually, but..."

Clark interrupted, "Yeah, I've been busy."

Lex nodded his head. "So I hear." Clark could tell he didn't believe him.

Clark suddenly remembered Jonathon was still in the room. "Dad, um, could you give us a few minutes?"

Jonathon paused for a moment. He wasn't sure how much of his and Clark's conversation Lex had heard. But he really didn't have a choice anyway. "Sure." He looked at Clark, "I'll be in the barn if you need me." He gave Lex a cold stare as he walked past him.

Lex waited until he was out of earshot, then turned toward Clark, "I see your father's old feelings came back for me."

"Yeah, well, he gets kind of upset when people sneak in on his conversations."

"I wasn't sneaking, Clark. I came here to talk," Lex explained.

"There's nothing to talk about," Clark snapped as he walked away from Lex.

Lex followed, "Yeah, obviously our friendship is on such solid grounds right now."

Clark turned towards him, "I told you, our friendship is over."

That didn't defer him, "And I told you I think we should talk about this before we both end something we might regret ending."

By this time Clark was mad. "You can't end something that you never started."

Lex paused. He wasn't really sure what to say. "Clark," he began, "I explained that room."

"You told lies!"

"I told you the truth. Besides, it's not like you don't hide anything from me."

"So that's why you're here," Clark noted, "You're trying to get me to tell you something, I don't know, extraordinary, so you can plaster it on your wall. What are you going to do then, Lex, open it up for tours? Sell admission tickets for 75 cents?"

"You know I wouldn't do that."

"Yeah, well, I thought I knew you wouldn't do that. I thought I knew a lot about you. I was wrong." Clark started for the stairs.

"You know what I can't believe?" asked Lex.

Clark stopped. He turned towards him and asked, "What?"

Lex stepped forward, "I can't believe you would listen to my father who has double-crossed you more times than you can even keep track of." He paused, "Think about it, Clark! Who was the person who went to Dr. Swann? Who was it that used you as a lab rat when you were trying to save my life? Who was it that fought your dad in the caves?" He looked at Clark. He could tell he might be making some leeway with him, "Now who was it that gave you the key to the room in the mansion? And right after he found out you were the one person who could send him to death row."

Clark paused then answered, "Like father like son,"

"Fine, Clark, fine!" he shot back, "You want honesty? I'll give you honesty. You say that I was only your friend to find out the truth? —you were correct."

Clark's head snapped up. _I can't believe he admitted to that!_

"That's how it started," Lex explained. "I was this spoiled little rich kid who never had anyone he could honestly call a real friend. I was always told that was something Luthors couldn't afford. I got whatever I wanted, I learned whatever I wanted, and I..." Lex tried to search for the right words, "I could never resist a challenge. Especially when it had to do with my life."

"How do I have to do with your life?" Clark asked. He knew the answer, but he had to ask to look naive.

Lex stepped up further, "You saved my life. Whether you jumped in after me or I hit you with my car, I honestly don't know. But you saved me. Had you not been there, I would have died that day. I just wanted to know why I survived."

"That still doesn't give you the right to stalk me, Lex." Clark still felt uneasy about that.

"I didn't stalk you. Any evidence I had I approached you about it. You gave me explanations that I decided to trust. Yet there was always more evidence. You have to admit if you were being honest, there's been a lot of coincidences with you."

"But if we were never really friends, how could you trust me?" Clark thought he got him with that one.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Clark! We were friends. I didn't plan on it happening, but it did. You were there for me when my own father wasn't." Clark looked away. Lex put a hand on his shoulder. "I do care about you, Clark. You're like my— your like my little brother."

Clark looked up at him. He was still a little suspicious. Lex knew the one thing Clark always wanted was a brother. He could be using that against him. Then he had a thought. "Why didn't you tell me about the room, Lex? You approached me all the other evidence you had." Clark remembered whom he was talking to and then added, "And I use the term 'evidence' loosely."

Lex was a little frustrated. "Clark, what did your dad just ask of you?"

Clark became nervous again. He forgot Lex had heard their conversation. He had to defend himself somehow. "Lex..."

Lex interrupted, "Clark, just remember when you accuse me of lying what you were about to do." He paused again for dramatic affect. "I guess we're not that different after all."

Clark watched him walk down the stairs and almost out of sight. He was still mad at him, yet things made more sense. He still had to be suspicious, though. Caution couldn't hurt. He was dealing with a Luthor. Yet Clark couldn't let Lex walk out with the last word. After all, he was still mad at him. "Lex?"

Lex stopped and turned so he could see Clark.

Clark searched for the something meaningful to say. Something deep. Something that might sting Lex a little, or at least let him know Clark was still suspicious of him. He couldn't find anything. He'd have to say something soon before he looked like an idiot in front of his friend. _My friend_, he thought. _I used the words my friend._

"Clark?" asked Lex.

Clark snapped out of his thoughts. _Say something_, he thought. "Um... Chloe said she'd stop by later," he answered. It sounded a little weaker than he planned on. "Just so you know," he added, trying to make up for his last statement.

"Thanks. I'll be sure to be home." He started to walk out towards his car and said, "The offer for Saturday is still open. Give me a call some time." Clark watched Lex get into his car and drive away, not really knowing how he felt about the conversation that had just took place.


	6. Ch 6

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for your reviews! (Sob, sob) This is... the happiest day... of my... well, it really makes my dayï. And I'm not just saying that. Thanks!

Chapter 6-- If anyone's still reading this, God bless you! You deserve a medal.  
  
Chloe had always been the kind of person who had to keep busy. That made for a good reporter, and she was a good reporter. A great one, even. However, that also made for an interesting friendship. Sometimes her curiosity got the best of her, and she may have crossed the line between the public's right to know and the people's right for privacy a few times-- even with her friends. That's why she consciously told herself to knock before she entered into Lana's room.

She did, however, forget to listen for an answer before she walked in. But they had lived in the same house for a long time now—they were practically sisters, so Lana didn't really care.

"Hey Lana, I was just going to go head over to Lex's. Did you want to come?"  
Lana looked up from her computer. "Um... yeah. Just give me five minutes to finish this up. I'll be quick."

Chloe knew from Lana's expression she had interrupted something important. "What is it?" she asked, pulling up a chair.

Lana paused, a little nervous. "It's a list-- a list of reasons why Clark should be completely honest with me."

Chloe was taken a little off-guard by that. "Whoa." She paused, not really knowing what to say. "That's pretty bold."

Lana looked a little scared. "Yeah, I know. But I think it's time. Clark has been a little more tense than usual, and maybe what he really needs is someone who understands him. All of him."

Chloe looked down. "Can you add my name to the list?" she muttered. She didn't mean for

Lana to hear that, but she did.

Lana thought about it for a second. "Yeah. It might work out better if we both approach him at the same time. Let him know he has friends."

Chloe looked up. She knew she had to get out of this. "Actually, that might not be a good idea."

Lana was confused. "Why not?"

Chloe tried to explain without explaining everything. "I sort of did something that I shouldn't have, and Clark found out about it. I apologized to him, but that part of our relationship's a little delicate right now."

Lana wasn't sure why Chloe hadn't told her this before. "What did you do?"  
Chloe shrugged, "Betrayed his trust. I think I just need to wait until he believes in me a little more before I go asking him his deepest secret."

Lana shook her head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me about this before now?"

Chloe thumbled for the words. She thought, "_because I didn't want you to think of me as a sell-out," _but she couldn't say that. Not without telling her what she did, at least. "Um... let's just focus on getting Clark to tell you his secret first, okay?" She looked at the computer, trying to change the subject. "What's #1?"

Lana looked at Chloe. She wanted details, but it wasn't as if she wouldn't see Chloe again. They did live in the same house. She wouldn't be able to keep it from Lana forever. "Well, Clark's main reason for not telling me everything," she paused, "or so he says, is that it would put me in danger. Well, #1 brings up times I was put into danger without knowing his secret."

Chloe looked at the list. It was long, but she could remember every incident. Then her journalistic cynicism came back. "So, what will you say when Clark tells you these times had nothing to do with him?"

Lana didn't understand. "But they did have to do with him."

"Well, you know that, and I know that, and even Clark knows that, but he'll never admit it. He's going to come up with some lame excuse that is just realistic enough that it might be true, but you know it's not."

Lana knew Chloe was right. The truth was she didn't know what she was going to do. "I guess I'll go to reason #2. The amount of times Clark has saved me. How he's mysteriously always there when I need help. My life would have ended a long time ago if it wasn't for Clark. Don't you think I deserve to know why?"

Chloe took a step back. "Hey, I'm on your side, remember?"

Lana laughed to herself a little. She put so much emotion into this list that her defensiveness got a little high. "Sorry."

Chloe smiled, "Reason #3?"

"Probably the most important reason, but I've been using it for so long, and Clark dismisses it even before I'm done asking a question."

"And this would be?" Chloe asked.

"This would be our friendship." Lana shrugged, "We're friends. Friends tell. I know Clark is scared that we won't accept him anymore..."

Chloe raised her eyebrows.

Lana rephrased, "Okay, that I won't accept him anymore... but I don't know of anything that could make me do that."

Chloe nodded. A few years ago, Lana might not have been accepting, but she had come a long way. She was prepared now.

"And I have always been honest with Clark—always! I don't have any secrets with him. And I know it's killing him inside to not have anyone to talk to."

"Yeah, especially since Pete moved away," Chloe joined in, "and him and Lex getting into... whatever kind of weird fight they're in now."

Lana looked right at Chloe. Chloe knew she was really worried about Clark. Even more so than usual. "If he doesn't tell someone, and someone soon, I don't think he'll be okay. People weren't meant to go through things alone. This isn't just something I want so I can make sense of things—this is something he needs to be whole again."

Chloe laughed a little at that statement, "Lana, I've known Clark for a while, and I don't think he's ever been completely whole."

"Well then maybe it's time that we give him that chance."

Chloe looked at her again.

"Okay, it's time that I give him that chance," Lana corrected, remembering how Chloe wanted to be kept out of it.

Chloe stood up, "Well, good luck." She paused, "And Lana? I really mean that. I really hope that Clark tells you everything. He needs someone right now—someone he can talk to."

Lana smiled, grateful for the support. "Just give me a minute to print this off. I'll meet you in the car."

"Okay," Chloe replied. She walked out of the room, but she didn't get ten feet before she leaned against the wall and almost started to cry. She really was happy Clark had Lana, for Clark's sake; but, after all, she was Clark's friend, too. Clark had lied to her longer than he had lied to Lana. But Lana would know the truth, and Chloe would keep wondering forever.


	7. Ch 7

Chapter, what, 7?   
  
Chloe was running out of small talk on their way home from Lex's. She knew Lana wanted details on how she betrayed Clark, but she was trying to put that all behind her. She didn't want to explain. She had to keep Lana talking. "I can't believe Lex wasn't there! I mean, what else does he have to do in Smallville? All his meetings are at the mansion. He eats at the mansion. If he's not there, he's usually with one of us..."

"He probably went to Clark's," Lana interrupted. "Which is where I'm headed next. Could you drop me off at the Kent's? I'll walk home when I'm done."

Chloe was surprised, "You'll walk home? Lana, Smallville might be small, but it's not _that_ small."

"If he does end up talking to me, I don't want to have to cut him off in the middle of the conversation because my ride arrived. Besides, I'm sure you have other things to do besides chauffeur me around all night."

Chloe paused for a second. The nervousness in the car was so strong Chloe thought she might actually be able to touch it. She didn't want to make Lana more nervous, but she had to ask. "Lana, are you really going to give the list to him?"

Lana nodded shyly, "That's my plan."

"Not that I'm doubting the time's right, Lana, but..." she paused. She didn't want to ruin Lana's hope. "He's a very private person. I just don't want you to get hurt if he doesn't tell you everything."

Lana didn't know why, but she was a little angry with Chloe for that statement. "I know we're housemates, but I'm a big girl, I can handle things. You don't need to play the protective sister-- I'm tired of people protecting me."

Chloe was surprised Lana was taking this so seriously, "Lana, I'm just saying that it seems we confront him about things every week and we get nowhere."

"I've never confronted him like this before..."

"Well..." Chloe tried to think of something to say, but couldn't. It was okay, though, because they reached the Kent's house and Lana hurried out of the car. "Lana..." Lana turned back so she could see Chloe. "Just don't take no for an answer."

Lana thought about that for a moment, then nodded and watched Chloe drive away. This is it, thought Lana. This could be the night I've been waiting for for three years. She was so nervous she could barely move. But she finally did make her way to the Kent's barn, hoping to find Clark in his fortress.


	8. Ch 8

chapter 8-- if you're still reading, you now have one year added onto your life. You're welcome. Yay!  
  
Clark was trying out his theory, and frankly, he was a little bored. There was only so much he could think of. Why he thought more about keeping his secret a secret than actually thinking about his secret made no sense to him. That last thought barely made sense to him. To keep it simple, he had run out of things to think about. He watched the sun out of the loft windows. _I wonder what I would be doing right now if there was still a Krypton. I wonder who my friends would be. _Clark laughed a little— _I wonder if they had high school..._ He then had a sobering thought—_I wonder if I had older brothers or sisters that died with my parents. I must have had cousins, aunts and uncles. Family friends_. Clark tried to change the subject in his mind, but couldn't. _Why was I the only one to live? What made me so special that they chose me? Jor-el came to Earth before—I know they were capable of space travel... why couldn't they save themselves?_ Clark was pretty sure they could have, but he didn't know why the didn't. _Were they so enslaved by their culture that thought they had to die with Krypton, then send a baby alone to Earth and hope no one killed him? _If that was their culture, Clark was glad he didn't grow up on Krypton.

"Clark?"

Clark was a little startled. Every time he was lost in thought today his friends snuck up on him. "Lana! What are you doing here?"

Lana smiled, "Can't I visit a friend every once in a while?"

Clark smiled back, trying to hide his own skittishness from her. "Yeah, of course. You just surprised me, that's all." They both just stood there for a second when Clark got the hint. "Oh, here, sit down."

They sat in awkwardness for a full minute before Clark ventured," So, did Chloe go to see Lex?"

That broke Lana from her thoughts, "Um, we tried, actually. He wasn't there. I guess we should have called first." Again an awkward pause.

"We should do this more often," Clark said, trying to sound friendly.

"I thought he might have been here with you."

"Lex? Yeah, he stopped by about an hour ago. Probably had some other business after that."

Lana was a little relieved, "So, you guys are talking again?"

Clark didn't know how to answer that. "I don't know. I guess I'm not as mad at him, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be careful." He quickly realized what he said and tried to make up for it, "Cautious. Suspicious..." he paused. What was he trying to say? Lana's face told him she was confused, too. "Never mind."

Lana was glad he said that, actually. She was looking for the perfect clue to introduce her list. "Actually, Clark, you can tell me."

Clark shook his head, "It's complicated."

Lana smiled sarcastically, "I am smarter than I look, Clark."

Clark rephrased, "I didn't mean hard to understand. I meant complicated as in there's so many issues going into it, I don't know where to begin."

"I have all night, Clark."

Clark smiled, "Thanks. I appreciate that." He tried to change the subject. He had to make it about her. "You know you can talk to me about anything, too." Little did he know that was just what she wanted him to say.

"Actually, Clark, there is something I wanted to talk to you about." She took the list out of her pocket. She was nervous, but what surprised her was that her arm was shaking. She didn't think she'd ever be that nervous.

"What's this?" Clark asked as he took the list from her hands.

"It's a list. A list of reasons why you should be completely honest with me." Lana tried remembering the words she'd rehearsed in her mind. "Before you say anything, Clark, hear me out."

Clark looked over the list and was suddenly frightened. Not today, he thought. I'm not strong enough to do this today.

"You are my friend, Clark. That means your problem is my problem. Your worries are my worries. That's why we have friends-- so we have someone to go through things with. Share apart of your life with."

Clark's eyes never left the paper. He had to change the subject soon, "That's a cool font, Lana. What kind is that?"

"Clark, that was a really lame attempt to change the subject. Even a two year old could see through that."

Clark looked up, "No, I really was curious about this font..."

"Clark, I'm done playing games with you. I'm not leaving until I get an answer."

"Lana, look..."

"You don't have to tell me everything, Clark." Clark looked into her eyes and saw desperation. How can I keep doing this to her? "Just give me something."

Clark looked down. He tried to search for something little he could share, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop there.

Lana grabbed the list, "Remember Adam?" Clark's head shot up. Of course he remembered Adam. "Adam tried to kill me because of you."

"Adam tried to kill you because he thought you were hiding a drug that could save his life."

"That's not how it started." She looked at Clark. He knew she was telling the truth.

"What about those men who held your parents and me hostage in this barn?"

"That wasn't about me..."

Lana ignored his comment. They both knew it was about him. "What about Van? He kidnapped me to get to you."

Clark jumped up. That struck a chord, "Don't you see, Lana? That is why! That is why I can't let you in!"

Lana was surprised Clark was so emotional. She stood up, too. "Why? What is it, Clark? Because the only thing I see is me being put into danger for knowing _you_, Clark, not your secret." Clark tried to walk away, "And since I'm always going to know you, since I choose to be your friend, that's not going to change. I care about you, Clark. I don't want you to go through this alone. You don't have to go through this alone."

"But Pete..." _stop it, Clark! Stop it before you say something you'll regret_. Lana was a little confused. "What does Pete have to do with this?" Clark wouldn't answer.

"_Just give me something, Clark." _The words echoed in Clark's mind. "Lana, I think you should go."

"Just give me an answer. I don't care what it is, as long as it's the truth."

Clark looked at her in the eyes. "The truth is dangerous. I've said that before—this isn't news to you." Then he had another thought, "You didn't tell me about Adam because you thought it was dangerous for me to know! It's the same thing here, and no, Lana, that's not fair, but it is reality."

Lana was a little angry, "The reality is, Clark, that I told you about Adam. I decided to trust you, to let you help me carry that burden. And if I recall, that was the night that you told me I could tell you anything, even if it put you in danger. That goes both ways,

Clark."

"I don't think you realize what danger you'd be in. And I can't let you make that kind of decision without all of the facts."

"So tell me! Tell me what kind of danger I'd be in, and I'll decide if I want to risk it."  
Clark wondered how he was going to get out of this one. _Get angry. Yes, that's it... when anger takes over, it's hard to feel anything else._ "Look, Lana, this is different than you think it is!" Lana shook her head. "Just you shaking your head no shows you don't understand." Clark paused. He was feeling a little guilty for yelling at her. After all, she was just trying to help him. But helping him could get her hurt... "Everyone who has found out says it's different, Lana. Everyone." He hoped he wasn't giving too much away, yet he knew she had probably guessed other people knew his secret.

"I'm not everyone, Clark. I'm me." She paused. "I'm your friend."

Clark relaxed a little. "That's why I can't tell you." He couldn't tell her anything at all.

Lana tried again, "Clark..."

"Look Lana, I have some stuff I have to do in my house. Thanks for stopping by. I'll see you at school tomorrow." Lana tried to protest, but it didn't work. Clark hurried past her, leaving her once again alone and clueless. She started down the stairs. It was a long walk home, and it was already starting to get dark.


	9. Ch 9

Chapter-- what.. are we on 9 now? Wow, this is longer than I planned on it being... but if you're still reading, you are my new hero. Haha, hero and it's smallville-- no pun intended. Okay, yeah... you can tell it's late when you start making lame jokes:) But thanks anyway-- and I mean it.   
  
"Honey, can I come in?"

Clark looked up, once again breaking his train of thought. He knew what was happening. The "Dad talks" were great, and every once in a while his parents would team up together to get to the bottom of things-- but when Mom came up alone—well, Clark wasn't really sure what it meant, but it was serious. And he did know what she wanted to talk about. That probably worried him even more.

"It's open."

Martha opened the door and smiled at him._ Make small talk_, she thought. Jonathon always asked Clark straight out what was wrong, but Martha knew that not many teenage boys became excited when their moms asked. She looked around. _How did I raise such a pig? I've told him a million times to put his clothes in the laundry basket. He can super speed; it shouldn't be that much trouble for him. You know, if I had a messy room when I was young, my father would have..." _

"Mom..."

Now it was Martha's turn to snap out of her thoughts.

"You can stop folding my clothes. They're dirty anyway, I'm just going to throw them in the washer."

_Have I taught him nothing?_ "You can't just throw all of these clothes in the washer. The whites need bleached; the darks need to be washed in cold water. You see Clark, this is why you go through so many clothes; you don't take care of the ones you have..."

Clark laughed to himself. "Mom... you didn't come up here to talk to me about my wardrobe."

Martha smiled. She was getting sidetracked. "Well, I have been meaning to talk to you about it sometime."

"You do—like every day."

"Well," Martha defended, "that's just me being your mom." Clark smiled and looked down at his hands. He did appreciate everything his mom did for him. Martha watched him thinking and decided to hurry up the conversation a bit. She wouldn't pry, she would prompt:). Moms were good at that, too. "You were kind of quiet during dinner tonight."   
_Here we go again_, Clark thought. He wanted to tell his parents what was happening in his life, he really did._ It would just be nice if they were together when I tell them, so I wouldn't have to tell the same story over and over and over... _

"I saw Chloe's car pull up." Forget small talk-- it was time to pry. "Did she come see you?"

"Maybe I've just been doing this too long." Clark ventured.

Martha's concerned mom instincts came in. "Doing what too long?"

Clark looked up at her. "Mom, do you think people can keep secrets forever?" Clark paused. "I mean really keep something bottled up inside of them until the end of their lives without telling a person they care about?"

Martha really wasn't sure what to say to that. "I think necessity plays a big role with it."

Clark looked down again, "Even if it was necessary, do you really think someone can go through life alone?"

Martha was pained. She knew her son was 6'3, but to her he still looked like a little boy.

He was her little boy, and he was in pain. "Clark, I don't think anyone goes through life alone. You might have times when you feel alone—everyone does. But that doesn't mean you won't have times when you feel needed."

"I feel needed now. That's the problem-- Lana needs me, Chloe needs me, you and Dad need me! Yet I can't give them what they need, Mom. I can't give them anything. I am so close to them, yet I might as well be on Krypton." Clark stood up and walked to the window. "I know the responsible, unselfish thing to do is to keep them as far away from the truth as possible, but..."

"You don't have to be Superman," his mom interrupted. "Here, sit down."

Even in a nervous break down, Clark knew enough to obey.

Martha also wanted to choose her words carefully. She wanted to make a point that would stay with her son for the rest of his life—something that he'd always remember. Something that gave him a new point of view. _That's it,_ she thought. _A new perspective. That's what people need when they feel like this_. "Clark," she began, "Sweetie, it's hard to be different. It's really hard. It feels lonely. You feel like you have to keep something very important to you, something you treasure, a secret from the people you care for most. And Clark?" Clark looked up at her. "It's hard. It is so hard to be different." She paused for effect, "But it's hard to be normal, too. It's hard to be faster than everyone else; it's hard to be a little bit slower. It's hard to know something, and it's hard to be left out of something." Martha looked around the room, "It's hard to be a mom, and it's hard to be a kid. Clark, the truth is, life's just hard—we weren't meant to go through it alone. No one can. Not ever." She laughed a little. "I guess being this different wasn't really part of your plans for your life, but it is what was given to you. But no matter how alone you feel, you're not on Krypton."

Clark thought about that for a second, "Then, you think I should tell Lana and Chloe the truth?"

Of course Martha thought he should tell them the truth. Jonathon and her first priority was Clark's wellbeing. "I didn't say that." Clark was confused. "You've been given a gift, Clark." Clark rolled his eyes. He's been told that more times than he's been told to clean his room. "I'm not talking about your abilities-- I'm talking about your friends. The time comes in everyone's lives when they meet a few good people who will really be there for them. You got lucky, Clark. You found yours young. And most likely, you'll find some in the future. All I'm saying is to remember that they're having a hard time, too. You're not alone in that. Be sensitive to each other. That's the way it's supposed to work—an equal load, not Clark-holds-everything."

Clark shrugged, "Then what should I do?"

Martha smiled, "I can't tell you that—you know I can't."

Clark looked up at her. "Why not?" It took her a minute before she knew he was kidding.

She smiled, and so finally Clark did, too.

Martha smiled even more. "Thanks. I missed seeing you smile." That made Clark smile even more.


	10. CH 10

Aw... thanks for the reviews, guys! You now get a smiley dedicated to you! Nothing can be more exciting. Have you prepared yourself for it yet? Here it goes-- ï Wow! I know how overwhelmed you must be, but try to be strong—here's Ch. 10! And guys—really--thanks again! I'm excited!

Chapter 10  
  
Clark was nervous. He hadn't been this nervous to see Lana since before they were friends when he would get the occasional "hi" from her. He looked around at all the other students hurrying to their lockers, and then off to class. It was just a normal day to them. They had no idea who he was, or what this day meant to him. If he was going to tell Lana and Chloe the truth, he decided he would do it before the end of the day. But not in school—later. After school, where they could yell and scream and cry if they wanted to, while Clark would just sit there and apologize for making them wait so long. That of course was if he decided to tell them. He thought about it all night, and he still had no idea what to do. Maybe it wasn't a choice between right and wrong, but between two rights. He stopped dead in his tracks. His heart felt like it forgot to beat. Coming down the hallway was Lana. She seemed so mature; she kind of seemed out of place. "_Are we still in high school?"_ Clark asked himself. They had all been through so much, he felt older. _"That's right... high school doesn't end..." _He would have thought more, but Lana would have passed him.

"Hey Lana." Lana just stopped and looked up at him in disbelief before she walked right past him coldly. Chloe walked up from behind him. "I get the feeling she's mad at me." Clarks stated.

Chloe raised her eyebrows. She was kind of mad at Clark, too. "Ya think?"

Clark looked at her confused.

"You asked her what kind of font she used?!"

"Chloe..."

"No Clark- I don't know what planet you're from, but here on Earth people don't treat their friends, who are pouring their hearts out to them, like that."

_Say something..._ "I didn't..."

"You know what, I know you've had a hard few months—we all have. But if you keep treating the people who are trying to help you like this, no one is even going to try anymore."

Clark tried to find something to say to that, but he wasn't fast enough. Chloe just shook her head and walked past him to her class. The bell rang. It was time for another long day.

Clark caught up to Lana during PE. The one time I'm glad we have PE together... "Lana, hey, can we talk?"

Lana smiled sarcastically and continued stretching. "We could, Clark, but my History essay is in my locker right now, so I couldn't tell you what kind of font I used. No wait, it was Times New Roman— it had to be, that's Mr. O'Connor's rule." Clark looked away. "Now we could talk about the color of the gym shorts we use. That has to be fascinating."

"Lana, I'm sorry. I..." he looked up and saw she was looking right at him. It kind of made him nervous. "I panicked. I was having a hard day, and I just wasn't expecting that."

Now Lana looked sort of ashamed. "Clark, if you're having a bad day, you can tell me about it."

Clark wasn't sure if he should or not, but once again he just wanted his friends to like him. "Maybe I can."

Lana's head shot up. That surprised her, but she didn't want to get her hopes up again.

"What?"

Clark became more determined. "Maybe I can tell you. Everything."

That seemed too good to be true. And when it was too good to be true, it usually was too good to be true. "Are you serious?"

"But not here. Later. After school—in my barn."

Lana shook her head again, only this time in surprise. "I'll be there if you want me to be,"

Clark smiled. "Good."

"But Clark, you've done this before, and..."

"Lana, I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but things kept me from actually telling you."

"I've noticed."

Clark paused. "But if there ever was a time for telling you and Chloe, it would be tonight."

Lana still hesitated for a second. "Is this definitely going to happen?"

Clark was still torn in two deciding, but he pushed his doubts in the back of his mind. "Yes." The gym teacher blew her whistle and both Clark and Lana looked up. Getting singled out two days in a row might not be the smartest move to make.

"Then I'll see you after school," Lana said before jogging away. Clark watched her for a second. Half of him was excited—the other half was petrified. It was like flipping a coin—she would either understand or today would be the last day they were friends. _This could be the last real conversation I have with her_, thought Clark. Reality began to come back to him, and the doubts were kicking in overtime. He tried not to think about it much. Yes, he'd just tell them before he thought about what he was doing. That way they would know, and he'd just be forced to deal with the consequences. _"Why did I think that was a good thing again?" _he asked himself. Oh well—anything had to be better than where they were at right now.


	11. CH 11

Chapter 11-- wow, this is way longer than I expected it to be  
But you have now been upgraded to 2 extra years in your life! Okay, well, if I could, I would give that to you. But, you see, if you didn't read this, you might feel guilty, and the guilt would harbor up inside of you until you had a stress heart attack. But since you are reading this, no heart attack! So, in a way, this does add extra years to your life. Aren't you glad you read it now? I know I am:), Thanks again, people!   
Anyway-- back to the story....  
  
"I'm not going."

Lana was surprised. The thought hadn't even entered into her mind that Chloe wouldn't want to know what Clark was going to tell them.

"What?"

"I'm not going. Lana, I can't believe you are going! He does this over and over again, and then when he's ready, he just expects you to drop everything and be there?"

"Chloe..."

"I can't believe him. I can't believe you! Look, Lana, if you want to get your hopes up and run to his barn like a kid in a toy store, that's your business. But I'm done being played." Chloe paused. "I just am."

Lana watched Chloe pass her, and for the first time she realized there was a lot more to this than she had thought. What surprised her about that was that for the first time it wasn't about Clark. The key person in that piece of the story was Chloe.

School was over, and though it was only seven hours like it had been every other day, it seemed longer. It even seemed longer than it did the day before.

"Lana."

Lana smiled as she saw him. _She's never looked more relieved... _"Clark! So, I'm ready when you are." She might have looked relieved, but inside she couldn't have been more nervous than if she were going to go skydiving. _Act calm, Lana... Just be calm. You don't want to stress him out—don't give him a reason not to tell you..._

"I'm going to need a few minutes to do my chores," Clark said without thinking.

Lana might not know a lot about running a farm, but she did know that a farm that big with only Clark and his dad working, took a while to run. "Just a few minutes?"

Clark thought for a second. "A couple of hours then. Around six?" He knew what Lana was thinking. "I'm not changing my mind, Lana, I just need some time. If I get my chores done then we can have the whole night to talk." Assuming she would talk to him after she knew everything.

Lana smiled. "Six it is then." Clark watched her walk to her car and drive away. _That's the last lie I will ever tell her_, he told himself. The chores taking hours part—not him actually telling her. At least he thought.

Clark went inside the Torch. He wanted to see it one last time until he might be banned from it forever. He spent a lot of time in that room over the years—fun times with Chloe and Pete. Not so fun times when he learned about the Wall of Weird. He could see it now—just one more reminder that everything was his fault. His eyes fell on Lana's 15 minutes of fame, when she was three years old crying wearing a fairy princess outfit. That too could be his fault. _Maybe this isn't such a good idea..._

"Did you want something, Clark?" Chloe asked as she organized newspapers. Clark had been so into his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed she was there. Chloe was still waiting for an answer.

_Snap out of it, Clark._ "Um, yeah." _Wow, this is hard_. Even his voice sounded nervous. Chloe would have laughed if she didn't want to hear what he was going to say. "I was wondering if you wanted to come by my loft around six, you know-- just to hang out."

"Just to hang out?" Chloe asked. She looked skeptical.

Clark paused. "Well, and, you know, talk."

Chloe was still putting things away. "We're talking now."

"Well, we can... talk more."

Chloe was kind of having fun with this. "And we can't talk more now because..."

"I have to finish my chores at the farm."

"It's pretty amazing how you get up just on time to get to school and yet you've begun tasks that need completed."

Clark paused. Chloe was acting too weird for something not to be up. "Okay, I have to start my chores at the farm. And then homework, so we can, you know..."

"You're saying 'you know' a lot." Chloe paused again. "You know?"

Clark gave her a weird look. "Yeah... so..."

Chloe was done playing. "You can relax, Clark—Lana already told me about tonight's little 'share your feelings' fest."

Clark's head shot up. "She did?" He worried all day how to tell her for nothing.

"Yeah," now Chloe was filing. "But I think I'll have to pass."

Clark wasn't sure if he heard her right. "What?"

"I said, 'I think I'll have to pass.'"

Clark was confused. "Why? Chloe, I want you to know."

"Yeah, well... thanks for the invite, but I'm busy."

Clark looked hurt. "Well, when are you not busy?"

Chloe tried to ignore him. "I couldn't tell you."

"You can't be busy forever..."

Chloe stopped what she was doing and interrupted. "Look Clark, you're either really bad at taking hints or you really don't know what I'm trying to say. Either one is a major flaw in your personality."

Clark was defensive. "I'm just trying to find out why my friend—my reporter friend—who has been bugging me to tell her the truth for three years wouldn't want to..."

"Bugging?"

Clark stopped. "You know what I mean." This was not how he envisioned this conversation would go.

Chloe was finished putting the paper to bed. She grabbed her purse. "I have to go."

"Chloe, are you mad at me?"

_Yeah!_ She thought. "I promised Lex that I'd see him around three."

"Lex... why..." his nervousness came back. He still didn't trust Lex completely. And Chloe did team with another Luthor before...

"He wasn't there when I stopped by yesterday." Clark looked at her like he wanted more of an explanation. "We're friends, Clark. Friends talk." She thought about their conversation for a second. "Then again, sometimes friends don't."

Clark watched her walk past him. He hadn't expected this. How could he tell Lana and not tell Chloe? How could Chloe not want to know? Then again, nothing in his life made much sense so far—why did he expect it to now?


	12. Ch12

Chapter 12  
  
"It's nice of you to stop by, Chloe. Sorry I wasn't here yesterday. Hate to think you made the trip all the way out here for nothing."

"Well, I should have called first." Chloe's mind wasn't really on their conversation. She was still reeling about her conversation with Clark. "_Are you mad at me?" _he had asked. _We've known for each other for years and he has to ask if I'm mad at him... _

"Chloe?" Chloe snapped out of her thoughts. "Am I keeping you from something?"

Chloe tried to laugh it off. "No, Lex—it's not you. I just... it' s just a lot of things."

Lex stared at her for a second. "You've had a few hard months. I know—I did, too."

"You know things are bad when you actually dread summer vacation because of what might happen to you."

Lex smiled at that. "It does seem like everything big happens then."

Chloe laughed, too. "Yeah."

"You know, if you wanted to talk about it..."

This is not the conversation she wanted to have right now. Yes Lex was her friend, but she still wasn't sure how much he could be trusted. "Thanks, but—it's more my style to keep busy than to sit and have a conversation."

Lex nodded. "Then why are you here?"

Chloe shrugged. "Just wanted to see how you're doing. Like you said—you've had a hard couple of months, too."

Lex nodded. "Those months could have been long enough to be years."

Chloe understood that. "I know."

"But you know what I learned from it all?" Chloe looked up at him. "Throughout everything all I could think about was getting back to Smallville and seeing my friends for the last time."

Chloe tried to lighten the mood. "You must have really missed the corn, or spent too much time in the sun."

"No, but really, you guys mean the world to me. I've been to about every man-made wonder there is, and even some that are made by nature—but it never compares to the people you care about. So that's what I learned—I learned this is my home."

Chloe paused. "My home's been a little broken for a while now."

Lex looked at Chloe. The past few months had been harder on her than she led people to believe. "You know what else I learned? It kind of goes hand in hand with what I just said." Chloe looked up. She was on the verge of tears. Lex went on. "I thought to myself—I have been to all of these places that not everyone can get in. I have all the money in the world. I'm protected by the best security in America—even better than the President, I suppose."

"Is this supposed to cheer me up?" Chloe asked. All the things he had that she didn't...

Lex sat down in his chair. "Then I asked myself—why do I hang out with all these teenagers? I know Clark saved my life, but you and Lana and Pete— I can have anything I want with little effort, and yet I choose to go after your friendship, which at times can be hard."

"I heard you and Clark are smoothing things over."

"Yes we are, but don't change the subject." Lex smiled so she would know he wasn't purposely yelling at her. "I realized that anything valuable is something you can't create or buy. It comes from outside of you. It has since the world began, and I'm assuming it will be like that until the end of time, too. Maybe that's why people always want what they don't have—because a part of them knows this." Lex shifted. "Friendships are valuable. They're like families. There is nothing more valuable than relationships like that. You guys are my family. I might be way off base here, but that's what I learned when I dreaded this summer."

Chloe had to say what she was thinking. "It's the friendship part I'm worried about now."

Lex looked puzzled. "Something you'd like to share?"

Chloe sat down. He could be trusted for this. "Clark invited Lana and me over to his loft to 'talk' tonight."

"Is there a reason you put talk in quotations?"

Chloe looked down. "He said he was going to tell us his secret."

Lex's eyes looked shocked, but he was trying to not to show any emotion. There was a long pause again. "Is there a reason you're speaking in the past tense?"

Chloe tried to choose her words. "I sort of told him I wasn't going to go."

Now Lex's face showed he was shocked. "I have to say that surprises me."

"Yeah, well it surprised him, too. I know, I'm the one who's always telling him to open

up and trust people..."

"Then why did you tell him you weren't going?"

"Because--he always does this, over and over. He builds up this wall, supposively protect us, and when we finally get cool with that he tells us he's ready to open up," Chloe wiped a few tear drops away, "and then—then we get excited. We think, you know, 'this is finally it. He finally trusts us. This tension can finally be released, and things can go back to the way they were before.'" Chloe looked at Lex who was still looking at her. "But the truth is it's never going to be the way it used to be. Too much has been said—too much hasn't been said, and as long as we're all playing "My secret is bigger than yours", we'll be stuck like this forever."

Lex wasn't sure what to say. That didn't happen very often, but when it did it sort of comforted him. It meant there was someone who talked to him when something personal was difficult. Not many people, if any, did that.

Chloe tried to laugh. "I'm sorry. Here I am crying over a boy like a little girl—and not just any boy, Clark. I mean, how juvenile is that?"

"You have no need to apologize, Chloe. Clark hurt you." Lex moved over next to Chloe and sat on his desk. "He's your friend and he keeps messing with your emotions. Friends are supposed to share."

"I know, that's what Lana keeps telling him..."

Lex looked down, "I'm not talking about Clark, Chloe—I'm talking about you." Chloe looked up at him confused. "This obviously means more to you than you were letting on.

How often have you discussed this with Clark or Lana?"

Now it was Chloe who tried to choose her words carefully. "I didn't come here for advice, Lex."

Lex looked at her curiously. "Then why are you here?"

Chloe paused and shrugged, then gave him a little smile. "I guess I just needed to talk to a friend."

Lex paused. Not many people said that to him, meaning him. "How about you talk to two others?" He paused. "Chloe, as flattered as I am by you coming to see me, the problem will only go away when you confront it. Secrets may be shared tonight, but if any are, they should be yours. Then no matter what Clark decides, at least you can have some peace."


	13. CH 13

Chapter 13  
  
"Are my eyes deceiving me, or are you actually doing your homework without being handcuffed to your room?"

Clark looked up at his dad. You have to love parent jokes. Clark smiled anyway. "Don't have another heart attack, Dad—it's just math." Math was Clark's easiest subject. He always could add numbers faster than anyone he knew. His parents used to call him their calculator.

"I remember when you were little and your mom took you grocery shopping—you would add up how much everything cost and multiply it by how many things were inside the store. We had to bribe you with ice cream to get you to stop yelling out, 'There's $700 worth of bread!'"

"I just remember being in kindergarten, and adding up things faster than anyone else could. You and Mom told me to look at the other kid's paper and try to stay on their level."

"That's because your teacher saw you add so fast and wanted to make you into some kind of mathematical genius. You were so young then, we couldn't risk the publicity that would bring."

"Well it got the attention of everyone in the room when she kept pulling me aside and telling me I wasn't living up to my potential."

Jonathon laughed. "I remember—you didn't know what potential was, and when you tried to say it you ended up saying 'potato'. You came home crying and Mom would ask what was wrong, and you'd say, 'Miss Pratt said I'm not living up to my potatoes.'" Jonathon laughed again. "It took us a while to find out what you were trying to say."

Clark however wasn't laughing. It was just one more reminder of how different he was.

"Yeah. How... cute."

Jonathon saw Clark wasn't laughing with him. "Come on, son. You were five years old. Everyone does things like that when they're little."

"Dad, as much as I'm loving this conversation, you didn't come up here to talk about old times." His parents always started off a conversation with another conversation when they wanted to talk about something important. They thought they were being sneaky, but it really just gave Clark a heads up.

Jonathon didn't know how to begin. "How's your reading?"

"Dad..." Clark had to stop him. Normally he might have played along for a little while, but he had to get his homework done by six if he wanted to keep his promise to Lana.

Jonathon sat down on the arm of the couch. "Clark, your mom told me what was going on." Clark rolled his eyes. He hadn't meant to, and he wasn't doing it to disrespect him, but he knew where this conversation was going. Jonathon saw it and paused. "Clark, I just want you to think about how serious this is. Chloe's pretty well connected to people. You know what she did last time she was mad at you. Lana—who knows how she'll react."

"Dad, what if mom just found me?"

Jonathon didn't really know what he was getting at.

Clark tried again. "What if Mom never told you where she found me. What if she had just made up a story, and you never knew my biological heritage? Don't you think you'd have a right to know?"

"Clark, it's a little bit different..."

"They're my friends, Dad. They've known me almost as long as you have. I know there's risks, but if they're willing to take them, then..."

"I'm just saying that this might not go the way you hope it will. Clark, we didn't even tell your own grandfather because we know how big this could get."

"It's big right now. And Grandpa doesn't know me as well as my friends do. Mom told me that..."

Jonathon interrupted again. "Clark, I know how much you hate having to keep this secret, but..."

"I don't understand. I'm finally excited about something. That hasn't happened in a while. I finally know people who can help me be happy again. Share my burden. Why are you trying to keep me from that? Any other father would be happy that his son has friends like that."

"Any other father doesn't have a son that's from another planet." He tried to regain composure. "Clark, I know you try to think the best of people, and that's what I've always tried to teach you. But there are people in this world right now who would do anything to find who you really are. What you really are..."

Clark was still defensive. "It's not like people are looking for aliens, Dad." Even saying the word alien out loud sounded weird.

"Yes, they are! There are people out there, like Dr. Sawnn, who devote their lives to finding out about people like you. Smallville was hit by a bunch of ET rocks that are unlike anything known to man. You don't think that attracts the curiosity of scientists?"

Clark had to say something. He didn't want his dad to talk him out of anything anymore. He was tired of keeping this secret. He needed help. He wanted help. He hadn't done anything he wanted in a long time—why couldn't he have just this one thing? "Dad, Lana and Chloe are in danger by knowing _me_, not my secret." He was borrowing words from Lana, but as long as they worked he didn't mind. "The FBI would have gone after Pete even if he didn't know anything- just because they assumed that he would. They're in danger now, it seems more of a favor to them warning them what could happen then keeping them in the dark."

"I'm not trying to keep you alone in the dark, son. I'm trying to keep you safe."

Clark wanted to be mad at that, but he couldn't be. 'You can't protect me forever."

"But I can advise you as long as I'm living. Clark, if you want to tell them, I can't physically stop you, short of locking you in the barn with Kryptonite. But if you value my opinion at all, just remember that I think this could do more harm than good."

Clark just looked down. Jonathon knew he wasn't going to get any more words out of him. It was time to leave. Clark heard him walk down the steps of the old barn. He was mad. He was mad because part of him knew his dad was right. The other part didn't know what was right anymore. For the first time he could remember his parents were both pressuring him to do opposite things, and he couldn't obey one without hurting the other. _Now what? _Clark had more thinking to do. After math—math first... then thinking. He really had to get this homework done.


	14. Ch 14

Clark opened his front door. He had been up in his loft for the last half hour thinking about what his dad had just said. He finally decided the truth was—well, he didn't know what the truth was. He had misgivings even when he told Lana he was going to tell her, but he figured that was normal. He stopped when he saw his parents in the kitchen. _They've been talking about something,_ Clark thought. "Dad?"  
  
Jonathon looked up from his coffee.   
  
Clark looked down at him questioningly. "It's my decision." Well, he was sort of asking.  
  
Jonathon thought about it for a second, gathering up strength. "Yeah, son. It is."  
  
"And you won't be angry if I decide to tell them?"  
  
"Well, to be honest..."  
  
Martha hit him gently on the back of his head. "Jonathon!" she warned. She tried to whisper it, but oh well.  
  
Jonathon answered with more determination. "Clark... it's your decision."  
  
"I've decided I don't like secrets." Jonathon started to protest. " Even if they are kept for a good reason, you still have to give something up." Clark looked down. "And maybe it's not worth what it costs."  
  
Martha entered in on their conversation. "Honey, have you decided what to do?"  
  
Clark looked up at her. "I've decided I'm tired of them carrying the load in this friendship. I want to be as good of a friend to them as they are to me." Clark paused. "It's caused them more pain not knowing than knowing ever could. That's the only decision that's important."   
  
Jonathon sighed. "Are you sure, Clark?" He searched for something to say. "You're so young. I'd just hate for you to do something you're always going to regret."  
  
Clark felt he had to defend his friends. "But Dad..."  
  
"Clark, what you wanted when you were 7 isn't what you want when you're 17. And what you want when you're 17 isn't going to be what you'll want when you're 27. Things change. It's not bad, it's just..." He tried to explain. "It's just life. It's part of growing up."  
  
Martha walked up behind Jonathon and touched his shoulder. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get what you want at 17. " Jonathon looked at her. "Especially when it's the right thing to do."  
  
"But that's just it, Martha, we don't know if it's the right thing to do. We don't know..." Jonathon had to stop. Clark was a little shocked to see his dad show so much emotion. "We don't have any idea what will happen. What it could cost."  
  
"Dad, anything is better than where I am right now." Jonathon looked back towards his son. "Maybe it's right, or maybe it's wrong." Clark walked up to him. "But it's the thing a friend would do." Well, Clark wasn't sure if he really believed that. He looked right in his dad's face. "I've _never_ regretted you and Mom telling me the truth." He paused and he suddenly sounded like a little boy. "I just regretted doing it alone."  
  
That was enough for Jonathon. The Dad in him finally surrendered. He could either protect him from the world or let him have friends. Like Clark said, either choice gave up something big—something good. If he kept every person a safe distance from Clark, Clark wouldn't have much of a life. He didn't want that for his son, either.  
  
Clark was a little nervous. He wasn't sure how to tell this part to his parents without his dad switching sides again. "I just have to go over to Lex's first. I'll be quick."  
  
That brought his dad's curiosity back. "Lex's?"  
  
His mom was also a little puzzled. "You two are friends again?"  
  
"You're not going to tell _him_ your secret, are you?"  
  
That thought hadn't even crossed Clarks mind. "No. No... I just... have something I have to ask him first."  
  
His parents were still confused. He had to get out of there before he had the chance to explain more. "I should be home by six, but if Lana comes, can you ask her to wait?"  
  
Jonathon was still trying to come to grips with what could happen that night. "Sure, Clark." Clark smiled and started to run out the door. "But if you're not back by 6:30, I'm sending the police to the mansion. Don't think I won't, either, because..." Clark was out of earshot. Well, human earshot anyway. And Clark did have to concentrate to hear farther.  
  
Martha tried to calm him. "Honey, he heard you."  
  
Jonathon was a little more surprised by his wife's callous attitude. After all, she raised Clark for as long as he had. "How can you be so calm?"  
  
"Well, we don't really have a choice." Jonathon nodded his head. He didn't like it, but he knew he couldn't stop Clark. Martha finished. "And some things just take a leap of faith."  
  
"What if it's a risk we loose?" Jonathon asked.  
  
Martha sighed. "Then it's a lesson learned."  
  
"But we still loose..."  
  
"Jonathon," she interrupted, "maybe that's why it's called faith."


	15. Ch 15

Clark had been inside the mansion for five minutes now. It wasn't that he was scared to see Lex again—he had just seen him yesterday, after all. But he still stood by the door of Lex's library, debating on whether or not to go in. It wasn't even Lex he was debating about—not really. No, this wasn't about Lex—it was about Chloe. Clark wanted to know what she and Lex had discussed before he made his final decision. If Chloe's working with Lex, or if Lex knows Clark's going to tell her, and Lana lives with Chloe…_ No, Chloe wouldn't do that, _Clark decided. He might not be able to trust Lex yet, but Chloe…

Clark snapped out of his thoughts as he heard footsteps coming down the hall. This place always did swarm with security at night. It was now or never. He couldn't go inside without risking changing his mind, but he couldn't go home until he knew his mind didn't need changing.

"Clark." Lex was stunned. He hadn't expected Clark to come back to the mansion for quite some time still.

"Lex… hi." _Got to love awkward silences. _"Sorry I didn't call first…"

"No…. no, it's alright." It took a moment for the shocked look to fade from his face before he remembered they were still having a conversation. Lex stood up and walked past Clark to his mini-refrigerator. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Um… sure."

"Still like that 7-up, V8 juice, chocolate mixture?" he asked wryly.

Clark laughed to himself a little. "You make it sound like that's unusual."

Lex just shook his head. "How you ever can hold that down is beyond me. You must have super digestion abilities." Lex froze. He obviously didn't mean to say that. He was just so used to hinting things abnormal about Clark and then looking for his reaction. It was so natural he didn't realize he did it anymore. But it was definitely something he didn't want to say tonight, after everything that just happened.

_Change the conversation, Clark. _He tried to find something that didn't have to do with font types. It might have not worked on Lana, but it would really not work on Lex. He did notice something in the room, though.

"This is new," Clark said as he walked to the middle of the room. It looked like a replica of a battlefield, along with miniature soldiers. Some were on foot, others on horses. It was all hand carved, made out of wood. It looked old. Really old.

"It's been here for about a month now," Lex explained. He handed Clark his drink and sat down. "It's part of the 'Exhibit Yanger'."

Clark didn't know a lot, but he did know an exhibit was usually a little bigger. "Where's the rest of the exhibit?"

"In the north wing. I liked this part so much, I moved it in here. It's a nice place for it." Lex looked at Clark. "Helps you think."

_Make conversation, Clark. _"What do you think about?"

Lex stood up and walked towards the replica. He paused for a moment, and then looked again at Clark. "Do you know what my favorite war story of all time is? There's lots of stories about dragon slayers and no-bodies who became conquerors, and…"

"People who rule the world before 30." Clark interrupted, remembering a conversation they had years ago.

Lex paused. "My favorite, though, is about a teen-ager named Richard Kirkland. He lived during the civil war, when one country was divided, causing brother to fight against brother." Lex looked up at Clark. "Literally." Clark nodded. He knew where Lex was getting at—the north and the south used to be friends. They used to be one. Then they saw things differently. Lies were told, they grew frustrated, and a war erupted. Lex's voice brought Clark back out of his thoughts again. "I can only imagine the anger one must feel when someone they once sided with betrayed them." _I can imagine it, _Clark thought. They were in a civil war. Lex looked down at the wooden soldiers and thought for a second. "There was a terrible battle one December night. People were falling one by one faster than they could count. They say there's no cry like the ones heard in war." Clark almost winced. He didn't want to hear this tonight. "But you're taught to dismiss them. Feeling anything could only get you killed." Lex turned to face Clark. "But one night a teenaged sergeant had enough. He took a canteen filled with water and crawled, amid the gunfire, over to where his enemy soldiers lay dying. He raised the first one's head up, gave him a drink, and laid his own coat over him to keep him warm. Then he moved on to the next wounded. At first everyone on both sides just stood there amazed." Lex stood a little higher. "Then they began to cheer for who they thought was their enemy. The battle ceased as a 19-year-old boy showed mercy to his foes for over an hour and a half." He leaned on the edge of a chair. "Clark, the dragon slayers, conquerors—people who ruled the world before they were 30—people have a hard time remembering their names and the dates of when it all happened." He looked up at Clark, hoping to make a point. "But they remember stories about people like Kirkland. Because he wasn't just a soldier— to the men on that battlefield, on both sides, he was a hero. "

Clark really wasn't sure what to say. "Wow--how… symbolic."

Lex smiled. By the way Clark was acting, something was up. "But I can't imagine the reason you're here is because you wanted to be first in line to view the exhibit." Lex took a seat. "Not that I mind—you're welcome here anytime—I'm just curious."

Clark looked down. He couldn't tell him why he was really there. "Can't I visit a friend once in a while?" Again he was borrowing words from Lana, but as long as it worked, he didn't care.

Lex raised his eyebrows. "Friend?"

Clark didn't feel like playing games tonight. "Look, Lex, I'm not going to lie to you—it is weird being around you again. I don't know…" he paused. "I don't know what your real motives are."

Lex sat at the edge of his seat. "Clark—I am your friend."

Clark didn't want to be interrupted. "But I've decided to move on."

Lex raised his eyebrows. He waited a moment before commenting. "And how can you be sure you want to do that?" He didn't want to scare Clark away, but he had to force Clark to confront that question if they ever would be friends again.

"It was actually something that Lana said to me.'

Lex smiled. "Why doesn't that surprise me."

Clark stopped when he saw Lex smiling. "We're just friends."

"Of course you are."

Clark paused and eyed Lex. Neither of them really believed that, but Clark went on. He really didn't want to get into _that_ conversation again. "She told me that no one is really who anyone thinks they are," Clark shrugged. "And I guess that's true." Lex looked up at him questioningly. Clark looked down. All this attention wasn't really what he was used to. "Everyone has an idea of who someone else is, and when that illusion is broken, it takes time for people to get over it. You weren't who I thought you were—I'm…" Clark paused. He was about to say something he wasn't supposed to. "I'm moving on."

Lex thought about what to say next. "I applaud your maturity, Clark, but something tells me our friendship's not what brings you here tonight." Clark lowered his gaze. This was supposed to be easier, but he guessed Lex wasn't going to play games tonight, either. "Chloe stopped by earlier." Clark's head snapped up. _I guess he really isn't going to play games… _Lex looked down at his water. "She told me an interesting story."

Clark was a little nervous. "What was it about?"

"Well, the beginning and middle were pretty good, but the ending hasn't been written yet." _So he is playing games… _"Mind telling me what's going on?" _Maybe not… _Clark was having a hard time keeping track of what he was thinking. "Clark?"

Again Clark was brought out of his thoughts. He finally surrendered. A little. "Chloe's mad at me, but I don't know the reason." He looked up at Lex. "Did she tell you?"

Lex watched Clark for a minute before answering. "Clark, I'm going to make this really easy for you. Chloe's mad at you for the same reason Lana is—the same reason you were mad at me."

Clark thought about that for a second. "But that doesn't mak…" He stopped himself. He hated thinking out loud. That answer really didn't make any sense. If Chloe was mad at Clark for being secretive, she should have been glad that Clark wanted to tell her everything.

"Clark, I'm going to make this even easier for you. Don't try to find out about this from me—talk to Chloe." No wonder Chloe was mad at Clark—he was so used to doing anything but actually face a person for answers, that he also didn't realize he was doing it.

Clark nodded. He knew he wasn't getting any further with that conversation. He turned to leave. "Thanks, Lex."

"And Clark?" Clark stopped and turned around. "My opinion is that you can't keep anything a secret forever. Sooner or later, those closest to you will find out. It's just a matter of when and how they'll find out."

Clark had to make it all about Lex again. It was his only defense. "Like that room?" _Tread softly, Clark. _He softened a little, hoping Lex wouldn't get mad again. "Is that what you learned from all of this?"

Lex paused for a second, thinking. "We can learn something from anything, if we wanted to."

Clark eyed Lex's exhibit. "Even wars?"

Lex smiled to himself. He reached down and picked up a small model of a rider on a horse. He looked at it for a minute-- "The thing we can learn from wars is that wars pass—and friends at first are very often friends at last."


	16. Ch 16

Aw... thanks, guys! It's nice to know people are still reading this... okay, 2 years are now added onto your lives!

Oooooo... Chapter 16...  
  
Clark tried to think about the oldest man on Krypton. He had to be old. Jur-el was an adult when he came to Smallville before Jonathon was born. _Time might have worked differently..._ but even that didn't make sense to him. He knew he didn't have to keep doing his theory if he was going to tell the truth, but he kind of enjoyed it. He always had wondered about Krypton since the day he knew what it was called. Even before then.   
  
Clark once again snapped out of his thoughts as he heard steps creaking towards his loft. He gave up. _Why do I even try to think anymore... _He turned towards the loft windows. He knew his dad wanted answers as to why he went to Lex's, and what he had planned on doing that night, but he didn't want to have another conversation like that. He was tired of explaining himself to everyone over and over again. He could never just do anything—there always had to be a hidden motive, or people to look out for. He was almost an adult now, yet he had never really learned how to be a kid. He was never allowed to be a kid. Clark hung his head. _No kid should ever have to go through something like this..._ His dad had always told him to enjoy his childhood, because once it was gone, it was gone. You were an adult for the rest of your life. Every parent told their kids that, but Clark never expected the day would come when he was almost 18 years old, and he would be wishing he could live his childhood again. He wasn't quite sure what he would do differently, but at least he would have the chance.  
  
The footsteps stopped. It was time for the father-son war to begin. Why couldn't his dad just trust him with this one thing? He laughed inside his head. _I'm sad because I missed my childhood, yet I want my parents to treat me like an adult..._ He was a complex individual. "Dad, I told you I wasn't going to tell Lex."   
  
"Um... what about Lex?"  
  
Clark spun his head around. He hadn't expected this. "Chloe." Time just seemed to stand still for a minute. "You came." Clark began to be nervous. The conversation was actually going to happen. _Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's not the right time... _  
  
Chloe tried to shrug that off. "Yeah. It surprised me, too."  
  
Say something... He tried to find something to say to break the tension that was obviously there. "Lana's not here yet." Clark winced. Every time they had a conversation, two names brought up—Lana or Luthor. _Maybe that's a pattern, too._  
  
Chloe nodded. "I know—we live in the same house. I actually wanted to talk to you before she came."  
  
Clark really wasn't sure where she was getting at. "Does this mean you've changed your mind about tonight?"  
  
A perfect cue. Chloe looked up at him. "Have you?"  
  
Clark looked puzzled. "What do you mean?" He hadn't meant to reply that way—again, it was just so normal for him to act ignorant, he didn't even realize he was doing it.   
  
Chloe had debated coming to the Kent Farm for hours. She didn't even remember deciding to come. Clark was the reason she believed moving to Smallville would be okay. He was the first guy she really liked. She didn't even have a crush on him—crushes are what you have when you don't know someone that well. She knew him, and that made this even harder. If she talked to Clark, then she'd have to talk about Lex. If she talked about Lex, Clark might get mad at her. Once again she was mad at Clark so she ran off to a Luthor. But with Lana being so closely tied into everything, and Pete moving away, there wasn't a lot of other choices. Okay, there were no other choices. She finally decided to be honest. If they were ever going to get anywhere, she would have start telling the truth.  
  
"I went to see Lex today."  
  
Clark got nervous again. He squirmed a little before backing away from Chloe. "I know. I talked to Lex today, too."  
  
That got Chloe's attention. "You talked to Lex?" She paused. "Of your own free will?"  
  
Clark still felt a little defensive for Lex. He had little reason to be, but when you've been friends with someone for as long as they had been, feelings don't just go away. _I guess that's why it hurt so much_, Clark thought. He was a little embarrassed when he realized Chloe was still waiting for him to say something. "It's been rough, but..." he searched for something to say that wouldn't make him sound like a hypocrite. He wanted to be mad at Chloe for talking to Lex, but he couldn't tell her he was giving Lex another chance without giving her the same. "We're moving on."  
  
Chloe nodded. She was scared to ask... "He didn't happen to mention... you know, anything..."  
  
Clark smiled. "'You know?'" he mimicked, recalling their last conversation.  
  
Chloe smiled, too. It broke the ice. She might rebuild it again—"I told Lex you were going to tell us your secret tonight."  
  
Clark's smile faded, remembering the reason he was mad at Chloe. Just one more person he had to explain himself to.  
  
Chloe took a step towards him. "Clark, I know how this must sound. Believe me, I didn't go there with the intention of breaking your confidence."   
  
"But you did, Chloe." Clark snapped as he turned around.   
  
"Not on purpose. I just wanted to see how he was doing." Clark turned around again. Chloe was searching for words that would make everything okay. She shook her head. "I guess the truth is that I wanted someone to talk to," Chloe paused as Clark froze, "and I didn't know where else to go."  
  
Clark turned around. "Chloe, if you're mad at me..."  
  
Chloe wasn't in the mood to get interrupted. "But I'm glad I went." She finally decided to add, "And I'm actually glad I told him."   
  
Now Clark could get mad. To betray his trust is one thing, but to be glad that she did it...  
  
"Because it made me realize what the real problem is." She stopped. Clark looked down at her, waiting for her to explain. "Clark, the only way we're going to get past this is if we both decide to tell each other the truth; if we decide to trust each other enough, so"  
  
If Chloe wanted the truth, she would get it. "You haven't really given me a reason to trust you, Chloe." It was as if everything he tried to put behind him had finally caught up. "I gave you chance after chance—I even told you straight out to leave this alone, and you promised me you would."  
  
"More than once," Chloe added. Clark was a little confused. Why she would help make his point was beyond him. "Look, I'm not saying I've been the world's easiest friend,"  
  
"That's an understatement."  
  
Chloe looked hurt. "But it's not like you have been, either. Clark, I look at you every day and I know that you are lying to me. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice when you try to explain something..." Clark tried to interrupt. Again she had reminded him of how he needed to explain who he was. "There are very few people who actually care about me in my life, so it would just be nice if for once you could be one of them."  
  
That hurt Clark a little bit. He was confused. "What? Chloe, I have always cared about you."  
  
"People who care about each other don't lie to each other, Clark! People who care about each other don't keep something that's a part of them to themselves—and don't you dare tell me that because you care about me you keep things from me--that's a little old."  
  
Clark was stunned. He wasn't sure what to think. Chloe laughed to herself. "You want to know what Lex told me? He actually told me to talk to you." Clark's head snapped up. "He told me I was the one who needed to be honest." She took a deep breath. "So here it is—I hate this, Clark. I hate that you lie to me everyday—I hate that you're keeping things from me—but what really frosts my cookies tonight is that you keep dangling this chain over us, like we're cats. It's this whole, 'I'm going to tell you—wait, I'm not. Okay, I can tell you now. Nope, just kidding...'"  
  
Clark just stood there. He knew he did that. He tried not to think about it very often, but he knew he did that.  
  
Chloe didn't know what else to say. "Clark, if you're going to be honest with us, be honest with us. But you can't be at the fence post forever. You have to pick a side." She shrugged. "And soon, before we make a decision ourselves. One that you wouldn't like very much." Clark brought his eyes to meet hers. It was then that he realized he could only push them so far. But he didn't know if he was ready for this, either. Chloe turned to leave.  
  
"I'm ."  
  
Chloe stopped and turned around. "What?"  
  
Clark looked around. "I'm ."  
  
Chloe had no idea what he was trying to say. She walked towards him a little. "What?"  
  
"I said I'm scared." Chloe looked surprised. Looking at him and hearing him say he was scared was an oxymoron. He was 6'3—what could he be scared of? Besides the Luthors.  
  
"Clark, I wouldn't tell anyone. Not even Lex."  
  
Clark looked at her. "I know," he finally answered. "I'm not scared of that. Not really."  
  
"Then what are you scared of?"  
  
Clark paused. The irony of it all was that he was finally starting to be honest with himself. "Chloe, I've had to keep this secret my whole life. Ever since I can remember." He wasn't sure how to explain, but for once, he wanted to. "What's it going to be like when I no longer have to hide? I've never done it before." Clark was embarrassed. Sharing your feelings really was uncomfortable—it made you sound like someone you normally weren't.  
  
Chloe sat down next to Clark. Now it was her time to be uncomfortable. "Clark, when I was six, I was scared to go to school."  
  
Clark laughed sarcastically. "So was I." He had to keep his secret even then.  
  
"I was scared my mom would come home and I wouldn't be there." Clark looked up and saw tears in Chloe's eyes. She didn't talk about her mom very often—it was something that was too personal to her. The one thing she had always been trying to forget. Clark wasn't sure what to say to that. "I would stay in the living room for hours, looking out the window. My sitter and grandparents kept telling me she wasn't coming back, but..." How could Clark get mad at her now? Chloe regained her composure. "You can't tell a 6-year-old..." she paused. "Anyway, about a week after my mom left, my dad caught me looking out the window and gave me the best advice I've ever gotten." The anger was gone. Only Chloe could make Clark so mad so fast and then make him feel like he was the bad guy at the end of the conversation. "He asked me what was wrong, and I said..." Chloe brushed back some tears. "Daddy, I'm scared." Clark looked down. That was definitely something that no child should have to go through, too. At least with his secret people were trying to get close to him, not the other way around. "Then he picked me up and told me never to do miss out on anything because I was scared of what might happen. Fear is meant to paralyze. It has no other purpose. It's good if you're a rabbit, because it makes you stand still so no other animal can see you, but people see in color. There is no reason for fear." Chloe thought about that for a second. "I guess there are some things to be afraid of." She looked up at Clark. "But just make sure what you're not doing is worth not doing. Because that's the only way you'll be able to live with yourself without asking 'what if' for the rest of your life." Chloe had to stop. She was crying openly now.  
  
Clark just looked down and remembered the conversation he was having in his head before Chloe had arrived. He finally knew what he would do differently. If he could be a kid again, he wouldn't live in so much fear. Clark smiled as a thought entered into his mind. Legally he was still a kid. Some people even called Lex a kid still. There was still time. He might look back with regret for his earlier years, but he shouldn't think it was a big failure—the road was not yet over. He could change it any time he wanted to. And he wanted to.


	17. Ch 17

One more chapter after this one. But... (sob, sob) I just want you all to know... that I love you... with every fiber of my being!!! Okay, how about I just say that I really do appreciate all the feedback. I'm sure those of you who have written fanfics know what I'm talking about. It's so exciting! But anyway-- before I fall asleep-- Ch. 17.  
  
Ch. 17  
  
Clark was giving Chloe a minute alone. Actually, he was giving himself a minute alone. He had never felt this torn in two. At least before he kept a safe distance from people, but when he got close to them, everything became harder. And confusing. It was like there were two people inside of him—the person he had always been, and the person he wanted to be. He might not know a lot, but he did know that he couldn't have both worlds. _Worlds..._ he thought. What a funny word to use. He couldn't be a part of Krypton and Earth, and he couldn't make one Clark happy without destroying the other. He had switched sides so often in the past two days; he wasn't really sure who he was anymore.   
  
Clark jumped and turned around when he heard something hit a fence post beside the one he was sitting on. He turned around again when he saw Jonathon standing there, carrying a fence post.  
  
"I...um... I was looking out the window earlier, and I saw that this fence needed fixed." He put the post down.  
  
Clark looked down. "Sure, Dad." He looked up at Jonathon. "How long have you been spying on me?"  
  
Jonathon paused. "Not me..." Clark gave him a suspicious look. "You're mother." Clark just nodded like he didn't believe him. "She was... well... she saw Chloe's car pull up, and..." Clark was still nodding. "I told her to leave you alone and let you handle it, but..." Clark was smiling by this time. "You know your mom..."  
  
Clark turned away from his dad and stared into space. It was so big—it was so fragile. _Kryptonians always sounded like they believed they were better than humans, yet Krypton died, and this world still existed._   
  
"The truth is, son, that..." Clark waited as his dad fumbled for the words. "I saw Chloe, and I... you know."  
  
Clark smiled when the phrase 'you know' was spoken. _I wonder where I get my language skills from..._  
  
Jonathon straightened. "I said to myself, 'This could be a night your son will always remember, for the rest of his life.'" He looked up at Clark. "And I didn't want you to look back on tonight and remember me by our last conversation."  
  
Clark thought about that for a second. He had been a little angry with his father. He was getting to an age when two men living under the same roof became a little crowded. It was almost time for him to start living on his own—making his own decisions, and then living with the consequences.  
  
"Clark, no matter how much I disagree with your decisions, I will always be your father, and I love you."  
  
Clark knew that. But something in his father's voice struck a chord, and the confusion part came back. "What I don't get is that you say that you would never do anything to hurt me, and then you say things that you know will hurt me."  
  
"Clark..." Jonathon tried to regain his composure. He guessed his mother was right—it wasn't easy to be a parent. Jonathon began. "I know your friends believe they are ready to share your burden—but do you really think they are ready to take on the world?" He stopped. "Because that is what they'd be doing, Clark. They would literally be taking on the world. Every person who tries to expose you, every government official who tries to investigate you..." He looked down. "It's harder than it looks."  
  
Clark was hurt. "If you really thought of me as your son, you would be on my side. I can't do this alone—having you and mom just isn't enough anymore." He looked up at his dad, hoping to make some sense of anything. "You know this. If you really cared about me, why are you trying so hard to stop me?" Since the summer, that question had been on Clark's mind even more than Krypton had been on his mind. How could people really care about each other and then hurt each other? How could they just pretend that it never happened, and go back to the way it had been before so much pain had been consciously inflicted? _We must not care about each other as much as I thought..._  
  
"Clark... in real life, people hurt each other. It's not that they don't care—it's just that..." Jonathon paused, trying to find the words. "People aren't perfect. And..." he shrugged. "It just happens."  
  
Thoughts and emotions that had been building up inside of Clark wanted to get loose. He hated being confused. He hated not being able to understand something—not be 100 sure of what was real, and what was just his version of things. He remembered when Chloe teamed up with Lionel to investigate him. His best friend and his worst enemy. He remembered Lex, and even Pete—Pete had lied to Clark, too, and in the end, it changed everything. "Then how can you tell if people really care? I'm not like you, Dad. I don't even know if we have the same feelings!" Clark looked lost. "How can I be sure people even have feelings?"  
  
Jonathon looked shocked. "Because their feelings are hurt right now. Son, the way to tell if people care is by what they do after they hurt each other. This is life—we're going to hurt each other here." Jonathon grabbed his shoulders. "But a family needs to hurt each other sometimes, so they learn what's important to them. Clark, despite your DNA, we're all human. And as long as we have blood, we're going to hurt those we love. But we're a family—so we are also going to forgive those we love." Jonathon eased up a bit. "Maybe this is a wrong philosophy; but my dad did plenty to me that I thought was unfair in my day, and I can tell you this—it's easier to forgive him now." Jonathon realized he had gotten off-track. "I don't doubt your friend's intentions..."  
  
Clark interrupted. "Dad, can't you see..." He paused. He was desperate to hang onto any kind of hope that one day everything would be okay again. Or okay for the first time. "Don't you know they're a part of me? Hurting them is only hurting myself." Clark shook his head. "I don't even know who I am anymore."  
  
To Clark's surprise, Jonathon laughed. Not what he was expecting during this conversation. "Clark, every teen-ager feels lost that they haven't 'found themselves' in high school—and I know it doesn't feel like this now, but high school does end. You are still growing up. You still have time." Clark smiled. Sometimes he sounded just like his father. That was sort of comforting. "The truth is, people are always trying to find themselves. Don't ever start thinking you're alone in that. People just get used to it as time goes on. They forget that there are more than two perspectives in everything. People are more complex than that." Clark smiled more. Now he sounded like Clark's mom.  
  
Jonathon looked up as he saw Lana's car pull into his driveway. Clark noticed it, too. Of course by now it was dark, so it was hard not to see headlights.   
  
"Clark, I just want you to remember that..." he paused. He came out here to make peace with his son, not restart their war. Clark looked up at him. "Every action people make has consequences. They have no idea how much of an impact their decisions have on others. Even you don't have the power to see that." Lana was out of her car now. Jonathon knew he didn't have much time. "Remember to make good decisions. You never know—you could be affecting history of the world."  
  
Jonathon started to walk towards the house. He did manage to say hi to Lana as she passed before glancing over his shoulder one more time. This could be a night he would always remember, too, for the rest of his life. However long that would be.  
  
"So, I'm here." Lana stated, hopefully. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
Clark's smile faded. No matter how much he wished he could stop time at this moment and figure things out, he couldn't. For once, he wasn't that confused—and for once, he sort of wanted to be. But that thought confused him.


	18. Ch 18

Chapter 18  
  
"So, I tried to track down Chloe, but apparently she has the ability to make her self invisible." Clark smiled. He knew what Lana was trying to do. Ease the moment. Break the tension--make him feel more comfortable. Suddenly she became serious. "I'm sorry, Clark. I know you wanted us both to be here. I'm not really sure what's going on with Chloe."  
  
Clark suddenly remembered Lana wasn't psychic. "Oh Chloe... yeah... she's..." He started to point up to the loft, and then stopped. How could he explain this? "She's here. There, actually."  
  
"Chloe's here?" Lana started to walk towards the loft. In her nervousness, she didn't even notice Chloe's car in the driveway. Well, that and it was dark.  
  
Clark jumped in Lana's way. "Actually, I'm giving her a minute." Lana looked up at him. "She needed to recover." He immediately knew what that sounded like. "No, Lana-- I didn't tell her before I told you."  
  
Lana was indifferent. "However you want to do this, Clark."  
  
Clark looked down. "I wanted you both to hear it at the same time."  
  
"Okay. Then we'll wait for..." she just realized what Clark had told her. "What does Chloe have to recover from?"  
  
Clark shifted feet. At least he could tell her this part.  
  
"He's not going to tell us, Lana."  
  
Lana and Clark both looked behind them. Chloe started again. "I heard him talking with his dad."  
  
Chloe just looked at Clark for a moment—half expecting an explanation. Clark was growing nervous again. "You heard us talking?"  
  
"The loft is 30 feet away from where you were sitting, Clark. So after I got done crying from me pouring my heart out to you and sharing something really personal-- which obviously meant nothing-- I heard the last bit of your conversation." Chloe was mad again.  
  
Clark grabbed her arm as she walked by, hoping to keep her there. "Chloe—then you know why I can't tell you!"  
  
"I'm going home-- to the one place where I can go and sit and eat ice cream and forget there's such a thing as best friends." She paused. "Or at least forget there's such a thing as Clark Kent." Clark let go of her. That hurt him-- more than he thought it would.  
  
"I'll see you at home, Lana."  
  
Lana watched Chloe walk off before turning back towards Clark. She didn't want to ask this question... not again. Gratefully Clark spoke first, so she didn't have to.  
  
"Lana—look... I know you think you're ready to know everything, but..." Clark saw the look in Lana's eyes and it scared him. He tried to gather his thoughts from the past couple of days—_something about the world and potatoes being paralyzed..._  
  
Now Lana was mad. "Clark-- you promised."  
  
"And I had every intention of telling you... at the time." Lana looked away. "Lana, you have no idea what you'd be up against." This time he was borrowing words from his dad. He hoped it would work. "Lana, you could get killed. I could never live with myself if that happened to you." Clark watched Lana, trying to guess how she was feeling. Well, he didn't have to guess—he knew she was mad. "Lana..." he tried to find some kind of solace. He finally looked down. "I'm sorry." There was nothing he could say. He finally started towards his house.   
  
Lana stepped forward, blocking his escape. "Clark, there is one thing I can't understand."  
  
Clark stepped back and gave her a questioning look.  
  
"I don't understand why you think that telling me puts me in more danger than not telling me. I don't understand how you don't think it's my right to decide how much danger I'm put in."  
  
"Lana," Clark interrupted her, "I've already explained..."  
  
"Okay, then maybe what I really can't understand is how you can keep keeping this secret all to yourself for the rest of your life when you can barely handle it now. "  
  
"I'll figure it out," Clark shot back in his defense.  
  
Lana was unscathed. "The funny thing about secrets is they get heavier as you go on. One day you're going to explode. It's going to get so heavy you're going to have to tell someone. And when that happens I'm not going to be there, and Chloe won't be there, or Lex, and then you'll have to tell someone who doesn't know you or care for you like we do. What's going to happen then, Clark? Who's going to help you then?"  
  
Clark didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. Part of him knew she was right, but he just couldn't deal with that right now. He was tired. That's what he really wanted to say. He was tired of having to keep this secret. He was tired of being a high school student. He was tired of all the weird things that happened in Smallville, and he knew it was just the beginning of the rest of his life. He didn't want to keep this secret—he wasn't very fond of the burden himself—but he couldn't just tell Lana. Once it was out, it was out. You can't get it back, and you can't control it. You can't even control other's reactions to it. It wasn't as though this were a daydream where if you didn't like the consequences you could change your mind and start over. These were real people, with real lives and real emotions, and while that's what he loved about life, it's also what hurt so much.  
  
Lana watched him lost in his thoughts for a moment. Finally she shrugged and sighed, "I don't know what else to say to you, Clark."  
  
Clark hung his head. _The funny thing about secrets is they get heavier as you go on._ How true that was. When he first learned the truth it wasn't hard to keep. He didn't want anyone else to know. Now he did. At first he just wanted to be normal. Now he wanted to be accepted.  
Again Lana interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Okay then." She swung her arms so he would know she was exasperated. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
_I should tell her. Just tell her. _All of Clark's emotions came back in overload. He watched her slowly walk away. I_ need to tell her._ "Lana?" he heard himself say. Lana stopped midtracks and turned towards him. _I can tell her. I want to tell her, _Clark thought. _I might regret telling her_. He knew in the heat of the moment he was excited and would tell her everything—but the moment would pass. His adrenaline wouldn't be this high forever, and by then it would be too late.  
  
Lana could see in his hesitation and expression he was fighting himself over this again. She had seen it so often in him before. Every time he got close to telling her, he would talk himself out of it. She had to keep him talking, not thinking. "Clark?" She asked walking over to him, "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"  
  
_Go home, go to bed. In the morning it will be easier. You'll be glad you didn't tell her. Or at least you'll have more time to think about it. _  
  
"Clark?"  
  
Clark broke from his thoughts. He'd have to say something to her soon. "I... um..." he started. Lana looked up at him, eyes hopeful. Clark took a step back. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, too."  
  
Lana felt the hope drain away in her face. She smiled angrily. He did it once again. After all her talk of him not being able to carry his load, she realized she couldn't do this forever, either. She turned to him one last time. "You know Clark," Lana replied, "I won't keep asking forever." And with that she turned around, got in her car, and drove away, leaving Clark alone in the dark with his thoughts.  
  
_One day you'll explode, and you'll have to tell someone, and I won't be there, and Chloe won't be there, or Lex, and then you'll tell someone who doesn't know you as well..._ The thoughts kept racing in his mind. He just gave up the perfect opportunity to tell one of his closest friends his deepest secret. If he hurried he could still catch her. Maybe run up to her car and lift the wheels off the ground like he did with Pete. Then they could sit in the car and he'd tell her everything. But he didn't. He didn't because he realized why he just gave up the perfect opportunity to tell his friend the truth—with all his thoughts of putting them in danger or them not being ready, he realized he was not ready. He was scared. All his friends might look at him differently, and then he would really be alone, and he really wasn't ready for the risk. He might loose. But even in the process of thinking this, he wasn't sure how much longer he could go on. _"I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow," _he thought. And with that he turned back towards his house.  
  
The End  
  
Evil, I know... but there has to be something for the sequel  
  
Thanks, guys-- without you,I would never have finished it. Might not have even started it. Or posted it. Well, I guess you have to start it before you post it, but yeah... and once more for old times sake-- That's your dedicated smiley!


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